A 21 year old's life crisis
Major overhauls.
I am not prepared for school. Dreading it so much that my heart palpitates at the thought of returning to school after a hiatus of 2.5 years spent slogging in the work force. Two of my supervisors have told me (jokingly I assume) to not return to school if I find it a chore, and continue working. But frankly, I tried reading a book (non-fictional) and promptly went to snooze in a matter of 5 minutes. Simply couldn't get past the third paragraph and this is just how much books bore me.
Procrastinated all the decision making till yesterday night when NTU sent me an email for failing to settle my matriculation, hostel application etc. Having to sift through the numerous letters/leaflets of freshmen orientation camps, debating within myself to go or not. And yet to consolidate the bank loans and stuff. Wrecked by the massive load of things to settle. Applied for hostel. Not looking forward to staying in hall with brother. I gotta smoke stealthily. Damn.
The apprehensiveness of having to be a Boon Lay girl for the next 4 years is scaring the shit out of me. Freedom within space. How true Zen|th.
Zen|th says:
you should get a boyfriend on the campus.. then it won't be so bad.
miryclay - i hate what i am feeling says:
i dont want any other guy but him.
I wonder if its mutual likings for each other or just a response by you to yet another one of the many one-sided loves by the girls around you. Because I have to give you time, and myself time to find out. But the waiting sucks. It's just so me to wanna jump into something spontaneously. But this step to take it further seems as daunting as the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and as impossible as scaling the Sphinx in Egypt.
First, your feelings towards your ex?
Two, my school in far away Boon Lay/Jurong as opposed to your place in Ghim Moh, my primary workplace in Parkway Parade and our common workplace in Sentosa and my own home in Braddell. Throw in a hectic engineering time table plus whatever shit hall activities I would have to participate in order to accumulate enough points to continue staying in dorm the next semester.
Three, the nature of your job that could mean you working late into the witching hours while I could be very well in slumberland. But this part is easy. Since I am very much still nocturnal.
Four, us being coworkers. According to the clause on the employee's guidebook... ahh, just screw the fucked rule. At most "I quit" in the worst scenario to come.
Five, more time spent apart than together... will I be another one to flit in and out of your life then? Not to say I am insecure. I've long overcome that insecurity aspect for myself but doubts still lingers.
Bah. I hate feeling emo.
An hour doesnt pass by without you popping out from the nooks and crannies of my mind. Each word you said, each smile you grin, each frown etched on your face, each act you carried out, and each nicety you did for me.
Boy, I am so sick of people telling me you're playing with my feelings.
I can't even say I know better to trust my own instincts cos my senses and intuition have fled me the moment I realised I do like you beyond your looks.
Yesterday, I was a natural magnet to lonliness as I trawl the streets of Orchard alone, shopped alone and browsed the books alone.
Bought two tops from Raffles Place, a book at Borders. A book on spirits and wines and cocktails. Am still trying to learn more about alcohol. No point being an alchie if my knowledge about alcohol is appallingly close to zero.
I leave myself with this song. Hur hur. My older brother's favourite song from Rick Price, titled 'Heaven Knows'.
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
(Repeat Chorus except last line)
Bridge:
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
(Repeat Chorus)
Heaven knows... heaven knows.
Yea, replace the 'shes' with 'hes'. This songkicks ass breaks heart.
I am not prepared for school. Dreading it so much that my heart palpitates at the thought of returning to school after a hiatus of 2.5 years spent slogging in the work force. Two of my supervisors have told me (jokingly I assume) to not return to school if I find it a chore, and continue working. But frankly, I tried reading a book (non-fictional) and promptly went to snooze in a matter of 5 minutes. Simply couldn't get past the third paragraph and this is just how much books bore me.
Procrastinated all the decision making till yesterday night when NTU sent me an email for failing to settle my matriculation, hostel application etc. Having to sift through the numerous letters/leaflets of freshmen orientation camps, debating within myself to go or not. And yet to consolidate the bank loans and stuff. Wrecked by the massive load of things to settle. Applied for hostel. Not looking forward to staying in hall with brother. I gotta smoke stealthily. Damn.
The apprehensiveness of having to be a Boon Lay girl for the next 4 years is scaring the shit out of me. Freedom within space. How true Zen|th.
Zen|th says:
you should get a boyfriend on the campus.. then it won't be so bad.
miryclay - i hate what i am feeling says:
i dont want any other guy but him.
I wonder if its mutual likings for each other or just a response by you to yet another one of the many one-sided loves by the girls around you. Because I have to give you time, and myself time to find out. But the waiting sucks. It's just so me to wanna jump into something spontaneously. But this step to take it further seems as daunting as the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and as impossible as scaling the Sphinx in Egypt.
First, your feelings towards your ex?
Two, my school in far away Boon Lay/Jurong as opposed to your place in Ghim Moh, my primary workplace in Parkway Parade and our common workplace in Sentosa and my own home in Braddell. Throw in a hectic engineering time table plus whatever shit hall activities I would have to participate in order to accumulate enough points to continue staying in dorm the next semester.
Three, the nature of your job that could mean you working late into the witching hours while I could be very well in slumberland. But this part is easy. Since I am very much still nocturnal.
Four, us being coworkers. According to the clause on the employee's guidebook... ahh, just screw the fucked rule. At most "I quit" in the worst scenario to come.
Five, more time spent apart than together... will I be another one to flit in and out of your life then? Not to say I am insecure. I've long overcome that insecurity aspect for myself but doubts still lingers.
Bah. I hate feeling emo.
An hour doesnt pass by without you popping out from the nooks and crannies of my mind. Each word you said, each smile you grin, each frown etched on your face, each act you carried out, and each nicety you did for me.
Boy, I am so sick of people telling me you're playing with my feelings.
I can't even say I know better to trust my own instincts cos my senses and intuition have fled me the moment I realised I do like you beyond your looks.
Yesterday, I was a natural magnet to lonliness as I trawl the streets of Orchard alone, shopped alone and browsed the books alone.
Bought two tops from Raffles Place, a book at Borders. A book on spirits and wines and cocktails. Am still trying to learn more about alcohol. No point being an alchie if my knowledge about alcohol is appallingly close to zero.
I leave myself with this song. Hur hur. My older brother's favourite song from Rick Price, titled 'Heaven Knows'.
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
(Repeat Chorus except last line)
Bridge:
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
(Repeat Chorus)
Heaven knows... heaven knows.
Yea, replace the 'shes' with 'hes'. This song
posted by Sheena at 1:58 PM
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