Working Woes

I've been in the F & B line for close to 2 years.

Of all the places I have worked so far, Coastes has been the only one I've fallen in love with times and times over again.

In the beginning when I was still waitressing there full-time (prior to commencement of my studies in NTU), life was simple, clocking in the number of required hours daily, knowing your products, waiting on happy families, watching couples frolic in the water, little kids playing innocently in the sand, admiring the beautiful sunsets and the starry nights.

Having the freedom to run all over freely on the beach, basking in the sun (sometimes overly hot to be enjoyable) and taking turns to rest made each smoke break a privilege treasured. Stolen moments chit chatting/bitching strengthened friendships.

Colleagues who were all fun, made even the chore-some of all chores enjoyable. From carrying heavy rotten sun-beds, to sieving sand in the sand bar, and even mundanities like wiping cutlery, washing ash trays could be a pleasure.

Then, slowly, the place, like a rotten core of an apple unveiled, didn't seem that beautiful anymore, as I begin to learn more and know more.

The politics that went on, the backstabbing that had happened and still happens, the mind-fucking games that some engage. I couldn't handle. Not now, not this.

The greatest transgression that I could have commit: Falling for the one called MV. I myself held no explanations. He's not that cute, truth to be told. He's not that humourous either. Nor is he particularly interesting. In fact, other than him fulfilling my height, age and intellectual requirements, there isn't really a cause for liking him beyond him as my colleague, him as my assistant manager.

But I did anyway. And the only redemption I could make to save my god-damned heart from more heart breaks is to move away fast.

The decision to quit Coastes stems from that one person, in wanting to dissociate my feelings from him. So I gave Sambuca Lover notice of my resignation. It has been close to 2 weeks since then and I have had a few colleagues texting me asking me regarding my decision. Many question if the primary reason was going over to O Bar, but no. That's not the case for me. Even before I quit Coastes, I already had a standing offer from O Bar. And the offer's still valid. I quit because of a man, a man who can't love me. That's all.

So when I asked Bin if I was placed on schedule for this week, Bin said no. My name's still there but everything else has been left blank. My natural reaction was to text Sambuca Lover asking if this was an indication that I could officially move on. And his reply came back saying, "Hi Miryclay, I really don't know what you want cos you have not gotten back to me regarding what you want. So I didn't put you up on roster."

What do I want? I want him to have fun working in Coastes. That's all I want. Which then led me to think to myself, "I love Coastes intangibly so much more for what it can give me than what he can or will ever do, so why am I giving up my friendships and a workplace I love all because of a man?

GJPS encouraged me on to think along that line but still, the hesitation. What if I never do get over him? I will still be emotionally hung up on him, which isn't something I can afford. I need to move on. And the out of sight, out of mind strategy's working to some effect.

I can't follow my heart since it's all in one jumbled mess. So advise me peeps. What should I do?

This the one photo that imprinted itself on my mind, wrenched my heart and scorched my soul.