Breast Milk for Sale?

Now on bus 93 going home. About midway home still around Farrer Road. So many things to do and so little time. Super tired from having just 4.5 hours of sleep and waking up at 8.30am to go beach with my brother Zhen. Fun at work as always. But boy was the heat unbearable. Joke of the day by Kim the chef: No outside food and drinks allowed in here right so what about the woman breastfeeding her baby? Breast milk is not on our menu. Haha. Lame right?

fucking sian

transport came late. got home late. fuck. tired.

daddy nag. fuck.

feel like having a dozen sticks more. and a beer to top it off. but can't do it at home. fuck.

i can't extend bangkok trip. need to settle this issue by tomorrow. fuck.

haven't move into hall. fuck.

daddy nag. fuck.

life sucks. fuck.

boys get on my nerves. fuck. can't have my alcohol fix tomorrow either. fuck.

fucking fuck fuck.

i can't figure out the ntu shit sites. fuck.

ARGH.

and there are just many things (personal, work, and school) resounding at the back of my mind. fuck.

can't sleep without alcohol. fuck fuck fuck. i fucking need sleep.

nag and nag somemore

just got home and daddy's nagging right from the moment he opened the door for me.

why you keep drinking?

blah blah blah blah blah...

damn. can't wait to shift out.

had quite a few drinks... hoegaarden (courtesy of makan guru), macallan scotch whiskey on the rocks (courtesy of uncle maotai), cosmo...

most likely my last for the week. sobs.

these days, can't seem to get to sleep without alcohol...

i need a bar fridge in my dorm. stock it up with beer and loads of liquor. anybody willing to get me one for my upcoming 21st birthday???

guys can be such assholes at times. sunburnt seems ultra distant tonight. the boy feels very far away as well. it feels as though they want you only when they need you. seeds of doubts sprout in my head. the boy. sigh. i need a good christian boy (ff has her good catholic boy) and not the people of the night industry. i need stability. dependable. not fickle. one ALWAYS there for me to keep me in check.

lonely. and fucking miserable. i miss the times the ex comes over whenever i need him. i miss the times he springs surprises on me. i miss the times i get hugged to sleep and cuddling up to him. i miss...

zhen, hug hug?

may the best bartender win

wah shiok.

skipped school today and went to support sambuca lover and sunburnt at the bartender of the year finals at dbl o.

much of the happy staff was there... including my love martell with his ultra big blue nike bag (with all his muay thai stuff i bet!). whee!

its very much like a congregation of people significant in my life...

martell, junk, aunburnt and mv.

so weirded. especially the point when the first 3 sat together amidst the happy gang. and gjps freaked me out commenting on how if the three talked about me.. shivers.

the one and only man i went home with (not knowing anything about him other than his name), did nothing but talked and slept and went on about "yang guang pu zhao". liked him a lot cos he was such a gentleman. heating up food for me to eat and sharing his damn nice comfortable bed with. heard from mr bond he liked me initially but well i don't know what screwed up in a matter of 3 days. still he's a greek god man. that hair, that body. one i will love to violate. hur hur. me swoon many times just looking at him today.

the second, a butch, who wanted to pleasure me and brought me home failing to **** me cos i didn't want to (duh). this one i scared of. so worried she would recognise me and come over and kiss me. she 38 years old lei, too old too old. but good kisser.

the third likes me damn a lot to message me "damn... i miss you". oops. but i don't like. treats me like a queen, holds my hand like i'm in need of protection. oh well. i like him, but as a friend. i don't think i can ever learn to love him cos...

the fourth i fell in love with over time. but who don't/can't love me back. my bad karma for being evil.

so there you go. my second day of school spent away from lectures, looking at my eye candy (martell).

and wait, i am still cheesed over ck for stealing my snickers bar to eat!!! it's mine! he'll so gain 5 kg in bad karma.

damn many shoes and clothes to wash. i want to marry a rich man.

so far

this term's time table is relatively good, 4 day week.

will be a hectic first week moving in without the family car.

alright. nothing much to write of. except that i miss my brother zhen.

work and more work

am now a part-timer with coastes instead. feels kinda weird in this transition though.

but the fun element at work is still there, like playing with gay boy, gossiping about franckie and his marital status with binny bin, hearing isk and leo rattle on about their love life, teasing my papa burnt paper and laughing along with kitchen staff chewy and kimmy.

on a side note, damn, think many of the staff in coastes now know about my blog.

while leaving sentosa with binny bin earlier on, he asked me a few questions pertaining to well we all know who.

apparently, there are one or two rumours spread of me and mv.

thank goodness, nobody ever made the association between me and erm someone else.

1st day of school

and i've yet to settle my hall matters. and everything else.

fuck!!!

so screwed. i'm paying for it man.

am skipping the first two days of school. monday to go settle the passport and to go settle hall shit. tuesday to go support sambuca lover and sunburnt at bartender of the year finals at dbl o.

i actually managed to survive 2 days without my handphone. that is a first.

alright a short update to all that i am surviving. more later when i am done with my stuff.

Out of Mind Out of Sight

This I hope would be the case as soon as I enter Uni.

I desperately seek peace. God grant me this I pray.

Roses are beautiful, but they have thorns and boy do they hurt when you get pricked by them.

Am I being fair to Sunburnt? I hope I am giving him his chance. A kiss from me and he's happy enough. What about him? Nothing is good enough for him. Not me even when I've laid my heart bare on the fucking counter. Sambucca Lover, I am not as attractive as you think I am. Thank you for thinking so. And a confused soul I am. You know better than I even do myself.

Screw love and all it entails. Love sucks. Love stinks.

Mission Distraction

Kylie Minogue's song just keeps running through my head.

Actually, its just him.

Can't seem to get MV out of my head.

It's so damn bloody hard can.

I've tried blocking him out. I'm gonna succeed (I hope), with much help from a good friend who's gonna stand in to distract me since Sunburnt ain't replying me.

I know I am bad treating Sunburnt like a booty call but he knows, he can have my kisses but never my heart.

How about I post up yet another one of those pals needed entry? This time, it's distraction very much needed. The prize? You get me, or whatever that is left of a successfully distracted me.

By the way, Happy 20th Hatch Day my Gothic Jap Porn Star.

Don't Dream It's Over

Bags all packed. Could easily have been on my way to Ipoh to visit my gramp right now. But GJPS was too tired. Fuck. I don't like the way my plans have been delayed from Monday to Tuesday and now to Wednesday. Like that rush to go up Malaysia just for 2 days then go what sia? Might as well don't go. Fuck. Fine, I'll just go disappear to somewhere.

My whole entire point to go away is a break for myself from people around, MV, family etc. Just being by myself. I don't have to want to accede to request from others. And what not. I've already made much concession bringing GJPS along. Very cheesed over the delay.

I've always done things alone, on my own. Last year trip to Desaru was solo too. So there, I'm getting my ass out of this place fast. If I don't answer your calls or reply your messages, it's all in the name of some peace and quiet.

No Regrets

Back from auto-piloting.

Had 6 rochers and still craving chocolates. Hot chocolate.

Nose still dripping.

I don't want to live a life of regrets.

Cats in my estate mewing away. Think they are in heat.

I miss chatting with The Boy.

Usually, I don't take the initiative to ask friends out (meaning pre-arrange at least a day in advance, the night before doesn't count). My meet ups are mostly spontaneous or either I really crave company or when I am struck by sudden guilt that I haven't been keeping in contact with them. I normally wait for them to ask first (My characteristic flaw that Marycherry has pointed out before. I've got many other flaws I know.). But if and when I do, be honoured that I did.

Following Marycherry's words to me to be more proactive, which I shall be, and ask The Boy out because I don't want to regret not having done so (bearing in mind what I've just told Bittercoffee earlier on about not living a life of regrets).

And if he turns down, so be it. At least I have tried. It may sucks to know it's a negative reply but that beats not having tried at all. I don't have much time to ask him out anymore. Today is jolly well the last cos

1) Weekends are definitely out of the question. It's the busiest time for us in F&B line plus this weekend I'll be doing closing while him opening. Complete clash.
2) I'll be going to Malaysia next week (prolly Monday-Friday) and will miss his off day. And even if I am not, next Thursday is GJPS' hatchday! So the day will be wholly dedicated to her.
3) School is reopening the following Monday.
4) Whatever time I'll get to see him will most probably be the days I work. And even then we may not be on the same shift.

So there, You free to go out later? After I've settled all my stuff in the earlier part of the day?

Pearlies

You've got such a nice smile.

That I realised seeing The Boyish grin after you had your cheese omelette.

You really should flash the pearlies more often.

I like. :D

A Road To Remember

Taking 165 home meant that I had to alight at the MacRitchie Busstop, cross the overhead bridge, cut through Mount Alvernia Hospital to get back to Marymount Road where the backgate that leads to my estate is.

Anyway, the path from the overhead bridge to the hospital was dark cos all the lamps were fucking now working. Pissed scared that I may get robbed or raped (Highly imaginative I know). With Collide playing on my ipod, and me singing along with it aloud while trying to psycho myself that the path is will just take 5 minutes for me to lumber along like a sloth (cos I was really too tired to brisk walk, just thought about the many things I've missed being in a relationship.

P/s: Uncompleted. Going for yet another auto pilot session. Yes with the good brother.

New found hangouts

Holland V Breko for reasonably priced food/TCC for excellent but expensive coffee. And they are side by side.
And Holland V is only a 15-20 minutes bus ride away from home. What have I been missing out all this while, going to places far away or that sucked?

Went down after work alone cos I didn't want to go home.
Thought of Walas but beer? I'll take a pass.
Called Sunshine thinking I may want to club (some havoc before school starts in 12 days time).
Leaky nose. TCC special (coffee). Pounding head. Stick. Medicine. Stick. Latte Mocha.
Sunshine arrived. Famished (her).
So Breko next door. Sandwich. Fries. Many sticks (on auto pilot mode as usual). Talk.
Leave.
Home. Cos leaky nose, pounding head, tired body and mind makes The Queen (Yours Truly) unfit for anywhere else but home. Besides I haven't been feeling the urge to club (dance) for ages.

I'll be there again tomorrow cos it's off day. Coffee, Cigarettes and good Company? No, it'll just be a good book for company.

Saggy Cheeks and Wrinkles

Date: 12th July 2005

Time: 10ish-11ish?

Event: Had a talk with The Boy outside Sakae (Sakae's gonna be included in my hall of places of treasured memories). Wasn't short short or long long talk. But just nice. Grins. :) At least 15 minutes? Heh. Talking to him now like that doesn't feel that weird, as compared to the first time we spoke face to face out of work. This time round, comfortable.

Gist: Cute paikia? Yes you are. Break promise. No.

Shan't say too much here. I'm glad I didn't go home that early as I planned to originally.

P/s: My affinity with the date 12th.

Who's crying on bus 61?

A weekday unlike itself. The grand slam during lunch. Tired and feeling faint. Running from beach to bar to kitchen to tables back to cashier and so forth feels like doing the shuttle run repeatedly non-stop over 3 plus hours. Started work on a high note doing opening with The Boy and slurps yummy cheese omelette courtesy of Chewy. But the knocking off part is a little saddening with The Boy's face pulled so long and as dark as the storm clouds gathered. And he's not r... Ah well. I need caffeine. To Holland V for some hot chocolate and to await instructions from Sunshine for tonight.

Carlsberg Ice

The Boy's ex came to visit. Heh. Baby was so cute exclaiming how much better I looked in comparison and being so defensive of me.. Hee.. That's a nice line as a comforter. But I really am ok. Wasn't angry wasn't unhappy wasn't sad. Just neutral. I've got nothing against her nor anything to like her for. So there. That's it. Had a heart to heart talk with Sambucca Lover. All's chill. Other than the new brand of coloured contacts I'm using. Freshkon sucks big time Freshlook wins hands down.

Not Late For Opening... Yay!

I am clueless as to what he sees in me like how I don't know what I saw in You. Bottomline, You are just not interested in my life, which I can't fault You for. Or perhaps You treat me like another MSN buddy You have. Grr. I should have accepted Jade's offer to work at O Bar. Except that there'll be no sun no sand no sea no skimmers and no You.

Pills

Damn headache returned.

That is what you get when you mix medicine, alcohol and cigarettes.

Need to sleep so badly. Especially since I am working morning shift later.

But am still waiting for The Boy to come online.

Shall go pop another pill.

:)

Nice day spent lounging outside Sakae.

Eating, drinking. Met up with Sunburnt (Jem) and Leslaman.

Sigh, I think Sunburnt is really into me. He wanna date me. He even said he's gonna try his darnest to get me. That even after I told him about Martell, and most importantly, my promise to The Boy.

I'm flattered. Thank you very much.

But you just aint The Boy.

You can try. But doubt you can change my mind. Or my heart.

Somewhere In Between

Mandrake sent me this.

How well it describes what I feel.

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

The Boy

First OS then MV now him/he/Boy.

The boy made me laugh with the way he asked if he could really go sleep cos he was so tired after a full shift. Why not silly? I would rather have you resting than for you to go without your sleep just to struggle staying awake to talk to me.

He's so lovable. You'll see why.

This is him. Hur hur hur.



Eh no, this one. Cos he's fair.

4D

It's been 4 days since I went to work. And also 4 days of not having seen him.

And Monday is another off for me. Argh.

I want to go out tonight to meet King at Happy. I'm just worried that the headache, flu and nausea will return.

I feel so shitty.

poor boy

That poor boy stoned by the computer. frustrated. simmering.

I couldn't get to sleep sneezing a good 3/4 of the night.

Tossing and turning in bed.

What's worse is when you wake up after a bad night on the sofa (to relieve my headache) is to find two freaking huge pimples on the jaw! red sore and swollen!

Argh argh argh!

I am not fit enough to meet King at Happy tonight.

Hope my boy has a better day at work without fatso breathing down his neck.

Shall go visit him with a yummy treat! :)

Nothing celebratory

My last day teaching. Yay! Heaved a sigh of relief. I chose to leave cos I doubt I can continue working there and still be happy. Entering NTU is an excuse. Yeah, it's a good paying job whereby I can take a break equivalent to 4 'Take 5' breaks with Sara Lee occasionally like today. But the time has come. Well after 2 years of teaching there, it is time to move on. Sunshine, be mentally prepared. It is hell not easy to teach a bunch of monkeys how to behave.

On my doctor, Ah Chiam (fondly nicknamed by Mummy). He's not officially my family doctor but I've been patronising him since I shifted to Braddell 11 years ago due to 1) proximity to my place, 2) cheap fees and 3) generous with the medical leave. When I was much younger studying in Secondary School and Junior College, he would be my favourite doctor to go to cos I can easily request for 2 days MC from him, sometimes even 3, unlike the polyclinic whereby they are much more stringent when it comes to issuing MCs. Moral of the story? Visit nice old kind looking doctors whose clinics resemble a 60s 70s setting.

Anyway, have got leave for Sunday as well but I will try to go in to work and hope the nausea and migraine stays away. It's no fun puking your lunch out and having to sleep on a particular sofa (the bed somehow doesn't let me get to sleep easily) just to ease that throbbing ache in the back of your right brain. Reminds me when I was in Secondary Four, and h0w I always suffer from this ailment. No medicine can relieve it other than to to sleep away on that particular sofa seat, and have a pail lined in await of my vomit. Something that I feel like doing so n0w.

I need more than just a break, I need a holiday. Preferably between 18th-22nd July before school starts on the 25th. Am making plans to go up North to Malaysia again (the last time I went away to Desaru alone by myself to recharge my batteries without informing my parents). I don't think I told anyone other than Marycherry and Bitercoffee prior to the trip. I was wondering if this time I should make it another solo trip all the way up Ipoh or somewhere unknown or if I should go along with Sara Lee to KL. It's good to have company. Sara Lee is thinking of going to visit his old friends in Australia before he starts teaching with MOE and as much as it is very appealing, think it would be too rushed for me and a mega hole burnt in my pocket.

More on ...

Yeah, and the conversation with Sara Lee got me so frustrated!!! He just doesn't believe that I am so guai!!! Don't watch porn, don't masturbate, never had sex before, never seen a guy's dick before (other than the stupid porn pop ups which I closed the windows immediately) and basically just sexually uneducated (the practical part)! Wah lau, I came out of my first brazilian waxing crying after being prodded and abused by the therapist!!! That is how bad! I may not have that all innocent look about me but I sure am! And doesn't help when Hairy Pits my Smart Science boss tells me off after work that my dressing is a point of concern! WTF?!?! I haven't even been wearing anything revealing to work! Hot pants? I don't wear that! It's just normal levis jeans, or three quarters, or skirts (not the ultra short kind), normal sneakers or slippers, normal tops (really no flesh bared at all other than the arms) and other teachers comment that I dress too sexy to be considered a teacher!?!?! And me coming in to work with a hickey? I did wear a collared long sleeve shirt which I pulled up to cover up and loads of foundation to cover up for it. I did not deliberately show it off to the kids! Madness! It's all how you define sexiness to be!

Come on, do I look that dense a nut to wear clothes that may incur the parents' wrath? It's all in the point of view. Maybe cos I've curls and bangs. Had I have straight rebonded hair, would others say that of me? I know the importance of preserving my reputation but in this case, there is nothing I can say. Like me appearing on the newspapers on the Hot Bods columns? I kept it low profile. Didn't really say much to anyone cos there really is nothing to boast about. I can't stop people from reading and finding out about it. But hey, there is no need to debase me just for a photo that saw me being shot in a bikini! See, what did I say about being in the education industry? ANAL! PWEH!

I'm tired of defending myself against the rest. Weary trying to putting up a strong front and acting nonchalant. Speak to the hand. My ears aren't listening.

P/s: I love my wireless keyboard and mouse. Allows me to type even from the sofa I am resting on now. Though I am straining my eyes to read the words I've typed.

Migraine Strikes Back

Back at the clinic again... Had thought the medicine the doc prescribed would have been good enough to suppress the headaches or keep them at bay. Went to work thinking I am more or less fit enough to teach but the classes are probably far too stressful that it further took a toll on my already weakened constitution. Nauseous the entire day and finally regurgitated upon reaching home. The day's medicine and lunch up the esophagus, out the mouth into the toilet bowl. Fuk. The head's still pounding away. This time, 2 days of medical leave. No less. As expected, it's the return of the dreadful migraine. I really need a holiday break up North.

Skeptical about the L word

They say it’s a river, that circles the earth
A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
It conquers all, it changes everything

They say it’s a blessing, they say it’s a gift
They say it’s a miracle
And I believe that it is
It conquers all, but it’s a mystery

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away so easily

In this world we’ve created
In this place that we live
In the blink of an eye the darkness slips in
Love lights the world
Unites the lovers for eternity

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
To the beauty that remains

Look at this place
It was paradise, but now it’s dying
I’ll pray for love
I’ll take my chances that it’s not too late

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And fades away so easily

Oh oh oh

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
To the beauty that remains

Love Is by Vanessa Williams

Stupid. You just don't get it.

Fancy getting yourself so upset over a girlfriend who's not worth it. A girlfriend/boyfriend who makes you choose them over your friends obviously do not know what love is.

Love is selfless, love is unconditional. We read of the godly love that one should possess in the bible. And that is the definition of love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love comes easily to some, like my good friend Astreal Blush who's now happily with her Swedish Meatball. And another Cowjinx with her French Baguette. (Damn SPGs they are now! To think I was the one since secondary school, always proclaiming how I love to have eurasian babies and wanting to marry a blue-eyed white man!)

Any case, we can dream lofty dreams of how love will find us, of how one day we will be swept away by the Prince Charming of ours in their white stallions (fairy tales are so not true) or be besotted by the Princesses in our lives. But the skeptic in me, can tell you this, dreams are still dreams until they come true.

Don't count your eggs until they hatch. People can say one thing and still break their promises at the end of the day. (Me included, though I am doing my best to keep my end of my deal). If not, how would such a saying "Promises are made to be broken" come about?

We are humans with flaws. And trust and believe you can, but on one hand, know that eventually if things do not come to fruitation, blame no one (God especially) for the predicament you've ended up in, for the steps in life were chosen and decided by yourself (including that decision to trust in the words of the other party).

Don't be too naive BP. Take care and hope my thighs came in handy.

Headaches does things to your vision

At my favourite clinic in Toa Payoh Lorong 1. There's 12 patients ahead of me in the queue. Oh my, hurry please doc! I can't wait to crawl back home into bed to rest my throbbing head. Noisy little bugger is creating a din. Tempted to walk over and slap the kid shut! Cute malay boy in er.. "I'm Lovin' It" uniform? Ok that's a 20-point deduction for the uniform. And another 50 points minus-ed away for bad skin. Finally after taking a long 20 minutes to type this out, it's my turn to see my friendly old doctor. Slight fever of 37.5 degrees. Yawn.

MC

I need to take a day off. My head is spinning. Having a mega headache.

But I feel lazy even going to the doctor. As of now, all I want to do is to sleep and not have to think of the many things I have to settle.

Booty Call

It's my fault as much as it is yours (and definitely that idiot's fault!).

Me gullible enough to believe in that idiot and not give you a call. You foolish enough to trust his words and not ask me about it either.

Damn it. To think I saw something pretty while I went to Chinatown to meet up with Fudge at her workplace after we parted ways at Harbourfront on Wednesday night, that I bought it without hesitation, one for you and the other (similar design) for myself. It may not be something expensive which you can easily afford given your fat pay cheque and family income, or your exes have bought you, but just something I took a fancy to at first instant, hoping you may like it as well. And I had thought to give it to you as a little gift going out together for the first time. Now I don't know what to do with it.

I'll throw it to my dog. How about that?

For one, I'm glad Sunshine is alright now. She had a good day shopping with Cowjinx at JB.

I enjoy my chilling out with Marycherry, as we talk about our mundane lives, our grievances at work, fucked up politics and begrudging the void in our lives. Don't you think, at times, what we want and crave is not love, but the notion of being loved and having someone/something to fill our shallow little shells?

Like how I am constantly whining on my blog about wanting to be hugged and cuddled to sleep (doesn't really matter if its by someone whom I don't love so as long he or she is not visually a turn off) but who on this earth will offer such free services to me at his/her expense without demanding something in return? Sex is not on my agenda, in fact, that will be the last thing on my mind, for I have discovered that I, not only have zero libido, I am also genophobic. You got to pay a price for everything, and right now, commitment is something I can't afford cos I have a promise to someone else.

I hope my soul/body won't crack after an extended length of lonlinesss (it's already been a year since I was single!) nor shatter to bits waiting for that someone.

Time for some retail therapy for myself (with Marycherry) soon. Nothing that solid shopping trips and buys can't fix. And of cos great company with an intellectual wise goddess helps.

By the way, I've got no dog, except my toy dog. And even then, it's about the size of the fist or slightly more. Hur hur.

Cosy

I so want to cuddle up in bed with someone tonight other than my soft toys. Hope my sister will stand in to hug me tonight to make up for what's been lacking today.

This is what you think of me?

To forget your words to me?
To break my promise to watch the movies with you?
Now, you are the one who have done so.
Sigh.
What an off day.
A very off off day that I have wasted a week looking forward to. Nothing to look forward to. Not now. Not ever I guess.

I'm signing out of here. Shall go meet Marycherry and head on down to Walas (hopefully I can convince her or Mandrake) for my pint of Hoegaarden and good music.

Please feel free to join me if you are interested. Best if you are a chain smoker. I forsee another 2 packs gone by the end of the night.

My foul off day

Thanks to a particular someone, my off day sucks.

To think I constantly tell myself to look at you in a different light, that there could be beauty in each and every one of us mankind that God has handsculpted and you could still be trusted.

I was so wrong.

You spoilt my day. You made me cry buckets. You, I really loathe.

Why Should I be

Angry?

No.

GJPS feels so for me. It's ok girl. I am fine.

What doesn't break me makes me a stronger man.

All Smiles

My first time leaving Sentosa with MV! Heh. Though we didn't talk much but was nice just having him sit beside me on the bus. Perhaps we've been msning more that we actually chat or talk to each other in person out of work, that I do feel a little out of sorts just now. Hope he didn't notice that. ;p The chefs been teasing me about him. Though they aren't discouraging about it, but what Chewy said makes a little sense. Like how guys are not as appreciative when things come easily to them and working together will somehow be that he may take me for granted. (Hold on, there's no we in the picture!) Does absence makes the heart fonder? I don't know about him but I guess it does. I'm just grateful for the little things that come my way. Every word, every message every smile. And happy that I did opening with him. He really did everything, sunbeds, umbrellas, panels. Hope he'll text me back soon. Hee.

3 hours of sleep

Where got enough? Only thing I don't like about doing opening is having to wake up early. And when I fail to do so, I'll end up having to waste money on cab fare. Take today for example, $13 freaking dollars inclusive of ERP and peak hour charges. Another $3 more and I could have bought 2 packs of viceroy instead! But the good part is being able to spend whatever remaining hours of the evening shopping or meeting friends and what not. 3 guys from a band on tour came by and gave me 2 copies of their album. Shall go rip the songs out and listen tonight. That's about all. Need caffeine. Bah.

I Don't Feel Too Good

Physically ill. Cough. Sniff. Pound.

Mentally unsound. Emotionally wrecked.

Poof.

Finally my off day with a few plans lined up. Though only 2 out of 6 materialized.

I am pmsing. It's as though it's better off being dead.

Maybe It Just Wasn't Meant To Be

So tired that even my heading makes no sense to myself.

Then again maybe it does.

On a side note, I need to learn my beers/alcohol well. Damnation.

Digress. Binny Bin, Issy Isk, Jeffy Jef, Ashy Ash, Joey Jo, Leoy Leo, Danny Dan? Hur hur hur. Binny Bin rhymes best and goes smooth on the tongue. Sorry lame.

Judge not

I admit I am guilty of that at times, especially when it comes to aesthetic appeal (I'm a shallow superficial bitch who appreciates beauty, but hey who doesn't?).

I may laugh and snigger to baby GJPS about the fugliness of people around us, but it's more of poking fun at things and not personal attacks of the individuals.

But as far and as much as possible, I have kept a very open mindset regarding things.

Gayism? I'm cool with that. Cos I have lesbian tendencies myself. And I am a little bisexual though more towards the straight side.

Sex? That I am more conservative when it comes to myself but well, however rampant others' sexual lives are, that's not a biggie. It's their lives and I respect that.

What else have you got?

How open or narrow minded are you? What's your taboo?

Bloggerdom

I miss the meet-ups with the bloggers.

The drinking, the eating, the bitching and the gossiping.

I bet my gmail is filled with unread threads from the cowboybar.

Wah Lau I Am Suay

Cutting my finger on a damn coke can? And a deep cut.

CC fucking scare me just now, 10 minutes to closing, and I accidentally bit on my lips a tad too hard and another deep cut. Now it's swollen. Fuck. Fat lips.

I lost my navel stud. The entire stud. Also had no idea how that happened. Must be all that running. I've lost 3 navel screws and now the damn stud to date since working at Coastes. Fuck. Will cost me money to replace. Poo.

My brother is equally suay. Crashed our family car. Unsure how much insurance we can claim. And having to compensate the other driver cos it's his fault for cutting lane without checking properly. He's gonna be a poor dude like I am. But thank God, no injuries. And he had to come down with fever just before leaving for Bangkok. Damn forgot to ask him to buy things back for me.

In short. I am so suay.

My Day Of Fame

Yes, it's finally out.

Remember I was saying about being featured in Hot Bods column of Sunday Times by photojournalist Edwin Koo?

I had 3 people messaging me about it telling me that I am on the papers. I know I know.

My colleagues knew it as well despite me keeping quiet about it (CT read the papers and told my colleagues. Duh.

Any case, the photo sucks. Didn't think it was the best shot. But whatever lah. Was hoping it was the other photo that Edwin made me take frolicking in the sea and lying on the sand. Oh well.

In any case, this time is definitely better than the other times I appeared on the newspapers. Twice for track and field years ago when I was still a wee lass and once of my back view few weeks back.

Haha. I'm a closet attention whore.

daggers in my back

fuck work politics. (and the violent/turbulent moodswings)

fuck staff relationships. (they really suck by the way)

fuck favouritism.

fuck backstabbing.

and fuck the gossipmongers.

i need a break. badly. malaysia, perak/kuala lumpur/penang, hometown sounds like a good place. anywhere but singapore, sentosa.