Monday, October 31, 2005

Cowboy Bar's mostly about sex

I am relieved that the whole Halloween Party turned out fine.

There's probably gonna be an entire hoard of peeps all over the blogosphere who attended the party writing about it.

So there, I am not saying much, except my gratitude to my fellow committee members especially the husband-wife duo (Naiveguy and Barffie) who contributed ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT to making it a success and of course to everyone who turned up who were all spontaneously fun and sportingly game.

Personally, I need to thank my 4 sponsors who bought me my 4 tequila shots in competing for the drinking game, namely Cowboy (or Monkey Boy whichever you will prefer), Airhole, Urban Male Bitch and Makan Guru. Thanks guys.

And much thanks too to Jesuafreak who graciously let me win so that I would not be shamed. And yes, for trying to introduce young boys to me (for my taking). I must have been whining too much about my single and available status.

Thank you Bin, GJPS and Didi for turning up as well.

Folks out there whom I just got to meet for the first time, nice to see you. And old friends, great to meet you once again.

Miryclay ;)

P/s: I went as Mandrake's whore. Slutty? Not really. :D

Pp/s: I'm still hungry despite the Teo Chew Porridge we had. Rumbles.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Maligned me

Just got back home from work.

Today, all of us had to wear some sort of halloween costume.
Me, being all stingy pok, decided to go gypsy, though I didn't look any gypsy at all.

They had fake blood provided and nice door bitch (my locker neighbour) helped me apply ultra thick eyeliner and dark eyeshadow. A smatter of dark lipstick and still doorbitch says I look as though I am going for dinner and dance instead.

The regular cute guy was there again as always.

France spoke to me today.

AZ wasn't around but I saw Outlet 5's bartender Big Bear at closing!
His third line to me was "You chu mai (betray in chinese) the other side".

So sick of being misunderstood.

I have been fuming cos apparently Jadeite (who has been very nice to me) was "confronted" on Monday and I didn't want her to bear the title of having "poached" me away. It's not her fault. If there is anyone to be blamed, let me be since I am already viewed as the baddie.

MV, it is so unfair to be labeled unjustly. You understand that too. When did you guys speak to Jadeite about it?

I have never been a permanent part-time. I still get cash every week. The part-timer card and locker key was given to me as a matter of convenience! I am just helping out... ARGH!!!

It's all because of someone, who had not have the decency (cow sense) in doing the right thing. I know he's not accountable for me or my actions in the first place but as my direct supervisor then, he could (should) have informed the upper management. If things were not so strained between MV and I, I would have gone to him directly instead.

The contradicting part, it was that same person who had told Jadeite I wasn't working in the first place and that was why she had approached me the very first time wanting me to help out on Wednesday.

I feel so wronged.

My tears are worthless yet it just seems as if, them (or whoever) watching me cry is such an enjoyment.

No one truly understands.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Cry me cry me...

It is all thanks to you and your lies that drove me away from what I love - outlet C.

I should go cry a thousand rivers and drown in them, except it's easier I drown myself in liquor.

There's a lizard who lives in my room. Ptoot.

Happy 21st Hatch Day Ber!

Damn it!!!

You know, I wish...

Jadeite isn't so nice to me.

Maybe I am used to the rough ways of the sups at outlet C that niceties are considered rare.

I didn't work tonight cos my oldest friend Ber was celebrating his 21st birthday. I mean I may not be his closest friend but certainly his one and only friend of 16 years long. Nobody can beat that rank man. :) Oh and his girlfriend is very sweet looking nice dimples she has got.

Anyway I informed Jadeite that I could only go down at 11pm and she nicely and so obligingly allowed me to not work tonight!!! SO nice. Sigh.

Sheesh, the nicer you are to me. The more indebted I feel.

Anyway, met up with 4 of my primary school friends whom I haven't see since leaving Zhonghua (other than Crab).

And no I don't like AZ. He's not some sort of replacement for MV just cos I don't have AY I'll settle for AZ. Just friends who take the same transport, thats all. And besides I take a real long time to get over people whom I love. Perhaps in some ways I am still waiting. Waiting for my heart to get over and move on completely.

Thats all folks. An early night for me.

P/s: Sian, got to wear halloween costume to work tomorrow. Only attractive thing about it? $200 prize for best dressed! Wow. That can get me another tattoo.

Friday, October 28, 2005

T for... Thick skin that I do not have

I spend a great part of close to 4 hours listening to the "zing-ing" sound of the needle.

Wince. Grimace. Curse.

The pain was bearable. And many thoughts filled my mind.

"Is child bearing gonna be worse than that? Oh my... Will sex the first time hurt like that? Oh my..."

I shudder at the thought of such prospects.

300 ringgit (approximately 135 sing) for the price of 2 huge ass markings is decently cheap. Alright dirt cheap actually.

The equipment.

Where I flashed my very first man my fatty bits and part of the pubes. Poor Adrian. His eyes.

This is #3 done in grey wash by Adrian in about 2 and a half hours.

#4's a cover up for my #1 alphabet 'm'.
GJPS told me it is SARS in capital letters, i.e. FUGLY. Oh my. :( Baby please help me design some add ons to enhance it. I don't think my skin at this area can withstand another 2 or 3 more times of needling.

It's been close to one and a half years since I first got it done for Bittercoffee. Surprised surprised how things have changed. Bittercoffee and TouristTrophy... Me and myself. :( Eh bro please no more of your bad shit friends to matchmake me. MUST be HUMSUM tall and smart!

Back on topic, though I had endured pain for 4 pieces of artwork, effectively I only see 3 remaining on my body.


More when I have the $$.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Virtual Insanity

Halloween Party organised by the CowboyBarflies!

Please do show your support and get the tickets now.

I assure you got chiobus whole night long (you drink till tipsy all girls are chio).

Can even bid for a date (2 hot girls and a drummer boy up for auction!)!

It's for a good cause! And its good reason for merry-making and getting drunk!


I am thinking of going as the jungle queen. But I'll need to invest in boots. Ah. I don't have much extra cash to spare. Maybe I should just appear naked and go as a stripper. LOL.

Remember the party is this Sunday! Please do go! Don't worry about being alone, I will entertain you!!! Or I will just get Mandrake to pimp one of her girls to you!


Too much alcohol makes one a sick man.

The Sunset Boys, affectionately termed by AZ, have been feeding me alcohol since 6pm at Sunset all the way till 9ish.

A short reprieve in the terms of dinner offered by Just, walking to outlet C, getting out of Sentosa before another round at Happy.

The black pepper steak was unexpectedly quite good.

Work is work ultimately and let's just say that after all the revelations of the sickened truths and untruths, the reassessment of personal priorities, the confounded demented minds of the superiors and disastrous state of the welfare of the stoic coworkers remaining, the mind has remonstrated fervently against the inception of the torturous concoction brewed by the wicked ones.

They had never wanted me back in outlet C despite his proclaimed statement, it was more a mean to salve the bruised ego that my departure for the enemy's turf has created. Lies he told and still is telling, to both Bin and GJPS, and myself.

An uproar it is not. A gossiping Lion it is. How sad. To have a "friend" who stabs you in the back while you thought trust was a shared faith.

Resigning to the dawning of my resolution, unrestrained tears stray in the back alley of Happy over the dreaded loss of familiarity tugging in the deep recesses of my hearbeat.

What remains would only be memories, bittersweet. Held back no more.

Let your yes be a yes and your no be a no. The Lord has spoken. And so have I. Jadeite and outlet O has now staked full claim on me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

My 1st Saturday at Outlet O

It's now freaking 6.46am in the morning. I have just gotten back home.

A recap of the long night.

7ish 8pm - Woke up from the nap I dozed off into after a late lunch. No way I will be able to reach outlet O on time and took cab down. Got onto a mercs cab whereby ultra nice cabby uncle really sped all the way (his average speed was maintained at around 110km/hr) for me to reach Mohammad Sultan in 20 minutes.

9.15 - 9.30pm - Batman let me go off to have my dinner. Ate in ultra fast time, barely touching a fifth of my bee hoon goreng, gulped down my milo and went back to work.

10pm - Quick chat with Fads (CT's sis) while going over to outlet T for a bottled Carlsberg.

2.05am - Zhen called during work. Felt kinda bad to shut him off in a matter of 15 seconds.

2.30am - Break for 10 minutes and called GJPS.

3isham - Jo-N up to her naughty bag of tricks, pulled me to small bar and another fast gulping down of Carlsberg! Haha! She's the closest friend I have in outlet O! Then Jadeite and Marco talked strangely to me. Catch no ball.

4am - Finally shoo the clubbers out. Packed and closed up at 5 ish. During this time waiting around, got to know the door bitch better (have to since I share locker with her), saw a video clip of her soon to be 3-year-old son, touched her flabby skin (baby, her's is really jelly pork belly), snapped photos of two of my colleagues, Ooi and Johan.

5isham - Got on transport. AZ from outlet D sat beside me and talk cock with me. His england never very powderful but he quite entertaining. Finally knew the names of other two guys from outlet D, Ray and AB. AZ ask me want go makan. Since near my place at where AB stays, Jurong West Street 91, agreed and went along. My very first 'outing' with them. Talked about work, other outlets, etc. AB appears to be more quiet. Less talkative in comparison to AZ. And baby guess what, AZ doesn't have a liking for chipmunk!!! WAHAHAHA!

Others -

1) I still get bad unfriendly vibes from Sashay and Aman.
2) Batman so touchy with everyone. Means I not special. Growls.
3) Batman used to have a stall selling nasi lemak then bak kut teh. Unbelievable right?
4) I scrapped my knees while getting off the transport. Had no idea my leg was bleeding till AZ saw it.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

On work and on men

Follow thy heart.

Right now, I have to choose between working for outlet C or outlet O.

There are fears returning to outlet C. Hesitant not because of MV (my out of sight out of mind strategy is working) but wondering how different things will be if I go back. Also as much as I can steel my mind against MV, I am not totally immune to him. Besides what if some look upon me as a betrayer to outlet C (which I, in no way, am one I feel, though circumstances project me to be one)?

My friends, especially my mate GJPS, my lusty pal Bin, my didi, my sayang CT are all back in outlet C.

And somehow, the peeps at outlet O ain't that friendly. I wonder why. GJPS commented that with my style of integration, it shouldn't be a problem for me yet I feel like the only one I could really hold a conversation with is Jo-N, Johan and naturally my captain Batman. There are so many small cliques around and each one just seems too unfriendly.

Like last night was bad when Batman switched my station from small bar with Jo-N to platform/wall with Aman. She sucks big time. Haughty looking and giving off BAD vibes. I totally just wanted to run away from her.

But outlet O so small, where can I run to? And speaking about size, I've enjoyed the open environment at outlet C that outlet O is just stifling, suffocating and basically claustrophobia-inducing.

Seriously, as much as I am into nightlife, I don't think WORKING in the nightlife suits me. I can't bear the unhealthy amount of smoke entering my already cancer-prone lungs, sleazeballs who touch me (or the rubbing of my boobs and ass when I have to squeeze through the crowd) and watching drunkards pick fights or puke all over. I stepped into puke last night and the stench that lingered on is horrid!!!

Outlet C, in contrast, has a much more sunshine outlook with beach babes/dudes, sun, sea, coconut trees, sand and the infamous pirate signature uniform of outlet C.

However, there are some enticing bits about outlet O, like the shorter working hours and the later hours which is good for me cos it will most likely not interfere with my school commitment to Inter-hall training, Havoc canvassing etc. Plus, Friday, Saturday is more appealing since I get a full Sunday off to do my own studying and meeting up with people.

Batman the floor captain is wonderfully nice. ;) If given a choice between papa Burnt Paper and Batman, woohoo Batman all the way! Very touchy though and makes me insecure about my developing pork belly. Yes baby, I've got one too!

And because outlet O is small, and food is limited to bar snacks, it definitely is less tiring at 1/8 of the work load in outlet C. And put it this way, when both outlets are paying $7/hour, nobody in the right mind will want to do extra work for the same amount you'll get (I'm an exceptional case of more work is good). However, time does seem as if it ticks by extremely slowly in outlet O.

Sigh, work satisfaction wise... The manual labour of the physical tasks, the mental strain of dealing with less than desirable tops at outlet C beats outlet O flat. I am a workaholic!!! I feel like I don't deserve that $7/hour at outlet O other than the monetary compensation of compromising my health and body.

One thing I've learnt for sure, my heart and loyalty still belongs to outlet C ultimately. When this outlet D bartender (who takes the same west transport) asked me for my working place of preference, I uttered outlet C quickly which I think kinda rub him off and made him say, then go back there and I won't have to travel to NTU the next time.

Was that made in jest or did he mean what he said?

Now I am beginning to wonder, are the outlets at some sort of feud, dispute, animosity or what? It's still a big family after all.

Maybe, just one day, I'll ask Batman.

Sheesh, Jade has given me O bar's part-time employee card and Batman my locker key. Now, I have got to speak to Jade fast. Like real fast.

Watched Into The Blue with Fudge on Thursday at Lido. The show's about average but Jessica Alba's body so hot that the sauce from my kfc chicken buritos plopped onto my white top!

Then moved over to Starbucks at Wheelock to help her out with her Young Leaders Dream Factory's stuff.


Stopped over at Outram, called GJPS to meet me after her work end and texted King if he was spinning at Taboo.

He called to say he just left Gotham and was on his way down to Taboo and told me to meet him outside. Sooo excited! It's been quite a while since I saw him! But imagine the shock I got when he got out of the cab. He was wearing one of those Thai cotton shirts that MV has got! Exactly the same and clad in khaki pants no less!!! OMG. Never mind that, he greeted me with a smile so warm and charming that it took away the dismal reaction I had to his outfit!

So my first time into Taboo (another gay club), was not exactly pleasant. The place resembles Why Not (another gay club) but looks sleazier than Why Not. Then again, it's about the same. But the toilet, now that is ultra bad. One cubicle locked (in use) and the other choked and flooded! Eugh!!!

The vodka lime King got for me is surprisingly potent (high ball glass somemore) but its FOC cos he's the deejay (not that I am cheapskate but King offered to get me my drink)! I saw King's mentor (Also an ex Gotham dj), had a balloon passed into my hands by a gay, looked upon men dancing funnily in bemusement, chuckling at an elderly gay patron buying a young humsum waiter a waterfall and tried to make small talk with King (which was disrupted by him going off midway to spin).

Anyway, doubt I will go there again anytime soon despite the lure of King's presence cos I prefer the classier much more tasteful decor of Happy (where the toilets are sooo much CLEANer!).


Met GJPS finally, emptied the bursting bladder at the clean toilet in Happy and proceeded to get our drinks from the bar. Threatened Adam Apple to return my Ripcurl lanyard or else... And that was when GJPS' baby Mr Bond said hi. And lo and behold, Martell too! Aiyah, just very happy to have a decent conversation with Martell smiling and not so black face!

Ordered for myself an appletini (my favourite martini there) and GJPS a hoegaarden. And my my my, Rick the ultra friendly cleaner there (whom I became friends with and bought him a birthday cake even) bought me 2 appletinis (1-4-1 for him cos he is staff!)! How sweet a gesture that completed my night of good tidings!

Now the msn nick reads "King, Martell, GJPS. Sweet".


As I was having dinner with Dr B and Marycherry at Lido, the vilest of the vilest thought crossed my mind.

No, I can't even bear to bring myself say it out loud. Not just because the thought was such a vile one, but because as someone who has pointed out, most people at work read my blog (Who do actually? Tell me, I'm curious) and therefore I must watch the words I speak, since my perception is held under scrutiny. And no, we won't like nasty repercussions, will we?


So now, it has come to such, that Bittercoffee my brother, is trying to find me a man such that I will stop bugging him about my highly belated present. And so far he has presented me with this certain individual (who's also an ex-sajc-ian from my batch) whom I've rejected. He tried selling me an uhm, Indian friend I would guess. But hey, I don't want the government to catch me put me in jail for an less-than-inclination inherited from the mother. Pass. He has gotta sell me fast, and get me off his back before I get in the way of him and his ehem potential girl.

Seriously, bro, just get me the stuff I told ya. Remember, I can get the volleyball myself.


FUCK. A long time back, Mil said this to me, that I must stop being so buddy buddy pally with the guys I meet. I make a lot of close guy friends but that is where it ends. CLOSE BROTHERS.

Cheesebuns. During the course of this week, I have got 3 guys telling me that I make a great pal! As much as I have 110% no romantical interest in any of them, but the bottom line is I am attractive as a close close trustable friend, but never a lover!!! ARGH!

Mil, help me! How now?


In my distress, I dialed Mil's number and he had kindly told me how to hard sell myself off by advertising myself on the Ebay and on the newspapers. Grrr, that bitch! And most important of all, I must learn the art of baiting, of luring the fishes to my line, i.e. playing hard to get. Oh that I can learn!


Try this cooking game sent to me by Bittercoffee. It is very fun. My top score's 1680.

Talking to Mil can be such a joy. He really made me laugh so much, that for that 15 minutes or so over the phone, I forgot what it was to be hurting. And no, before anyone suggest I marry Mil, he loves me as a little sister, and yes I asked him for his hand in marriage in the case that I am left on the shelf and I think he told me to buy a blow up toy to cuddle, that kinda blow up stuffed person from the sex toy shop.


Having people around me who care so much for my mental and physical health warms my heart.

Airhole, Mat, Bittercoffee, Zhen, Sheryo, Maggy Mag, GJPS, Marycherry. I am much better.

To Mat (who won't be reading this cos he doesn't know I blog): Thank you for wanting to be there. Thank you. I haven't broken the promise I made to God 5 years ago. I won't hurt myself deliberately. Though the thought did flicker in my head, and I did fool around with the scissors wanting to inflict myself with more physical pain, but I was a little floozy after bingeing on that much alcohol.


I am down with the flu again.

Was supposed to go O Bar and help out but me being so sick I slept a greater part of the day away.

I am so sorry Jade.

My nose is still leaking.


Meanwhile, my msn nick has morphed from all self despairing ones to "o bar o bar, i wish you were more like coastes" or something along that line.

I hope the people at O Bar are less tech saavy than the peeps at Coastes.

I can't really afford to be on the bad side of either.

Actually I can. And have half a dozen people wanting to wrangle my neck.


Here's Crystal, the one I've mentioned. The girl, who was rather dazzling. I prefer her current looks to her pageant days.

I took this secretly, yet she must have been so attuned to having a camera snap her that she intinctively turned towards me. Crystal's now a financial planner with AIA and earning a comfortable living at 21 - that's my age! She even paid for her boyfriend's share on their recent trip to Phuket! She's trying to recruit me. Haaha. That's not a joke anyway.

And beside her is another Miss Singapore Universe '05 finalist, Jeannie, who's all sweet and equally smiling.

Jeannie's currently working at Sunset Bay full-time so you'll catch her there very often. The pageant must have been really evil to have jaded the girl this way.


Remember that Crystal asked me out to join her next thursday at her friend's party at Cocco Latte.

First thing first, my exams are nearing. Time is a precious commodity,

Second thing, if I do turn up, I will hardly know anyone there other than Crystal perhaps.

Third thing, she wants to introduce me to some of her guy friends?


Some fugly shit there!

I think I prettier. Hur hur. Right Bin?


A blogder left me a comment asking me how I had manage to tide over my falling in and out of love in a span of 2 days and if i had any tips to share...

So here it is, me attempting a shot at being Aunt Agony.

Dear anonymous (i wonder if you are the same anonymous who has been leaving me comments),

I wasn't out of love, in the sense that I still love that fool a lot, just that i have woken up to my senses to know that mine's a one sided unreciprocated love that and that it's better off to draw the line now even though he mentioned to wait for him...

When I like a person, I really can like for a long time! I'm not the fickleminded sort though i sound like one! I was in a relationship with the one and only ex for 3.5 years, liked a close friend of mine for 8 months (waited and waited) in which there after, i decided we were better off as brothers. As for King, he's an old friend whom i used to like but he was in a relationship back then. In any case, i like him cos he is a genuine friend and that's all...

And moving on doesnt imply i stop loving a person and love another entirely, it only means (for me that is) that mentally, emotionally, i psyched myself that he is no longer held to his words and that gives him more leeway because that is what love is supposed to be, ie. unselfish. its more of loving him in a different way, the godly unselfish way.

I don't have any tips for you because I, personally, suffer too many times from unrequited love. To add to that, guys don't particularly fancy me cos in their own words, "Miryclay, you are too tomboy, you are just unlike the other girls in school, you need to be more feminine..." Yadah yadah yadah. i even scare a guy friend of my childhood mate off. I can't say much except to quote my friend mil, "Just be yourself."

As for hurts from a past relationship, mostly, it's a state of mind. It's how we fail or refuse to accept the facts and let go of the past. Moving on is when you fully acknowledge that you are not the sole variable in a relationship and letting god take control to steer the ship (from my christian perspective) or in the worldly sense, 'whatever will be will be'. Let the course of nature runs.

It will be fantastic if you can resolve matters with your significant other. Remember it's not a time for pushing blame and accusations but finding out his/her reasons and justifications for his/her actions and decisions. Humans are no saints, we all err. So be giving and forgiving about things.

Oh yes and don't deny your emotions. Understand that it is absolutely perfect and natural to feel indignant, upset, etc but deal with them positively, channel these emotional energies to a sport, your work etc where you can generate greater efficiency and gradually, such negative emotions come to you in lower frequencies and even when you get struck by a bout of such depression, you know that you are able to deal with it.

Of course, try not to impose shitty feelings on others. (this is my own practice) cos you don't want a whole chain of feeling-shitty-friends in your hands.

Call a close friend up, bitch about things, frankly that helps a big deal. I won't have come so far without my girlfriends and brothers to bitch/whine/cry to. They dish out the girl power and support like a cheerleading team. What's even better, my favourite, HUGS! They do wonders for the body, heart, mind and soul.

Despite saying all these, that isn't to say I don't commit any of those "do-nots" myself. I drink myself silly occasionally to forget problems, smoke to ease away the tears, often not realising that a good cry's what we need sometimes to flush out the bad vibes we have or are getting.

God gave us tears, not as an indication of our weakness, but as a tool to strengthen us each time when we fall.

I love that irritating piece of MV (I love him still even though he is irritating) and sigh, am learning to cope with my own failure at managing expectations

p/s: This is something I concocted in 30 minutes so don't complain about my writing lacking in standard. And I am not a professional aunt agony in any case!!!

And this blog was shared with me by GJPS on the art of letting go.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Plain Jane Average Me

It's been some time since I blogged.

Tired, lots of notes to read and well, just not in the mood to blog,

Previously, I was writing on how I hate being myself.

And to add to that now, I really hate being myself.

I mean, I know I don't have to please the whole world into liking me or accepting me, but I find it highly annoying and incredulous when people start judging me for the person whom I am not.

Most, in fact, just about everyone, takes me as some wild child whose morals have gone amok.

I may not be the nicest or most well behaved kid in town, but hey, I do know where to draw the line. Besides my vices are limited to smoking a tad too much, drinking a tad too much, sleeping a tad too much and eating a tad too much. Gluttony is not wild. That's just being a pig.

So I gather, it is either the vibes I exude or the looks I portray.

Vibes wise, that I can't control, can I?

Looks wise, since having my hair curled at the beginning of this year, I don't seem to have the look of youth or innocence any more. But that's just curls!!! Besides, the curls are very limp and nearly gone. My make up is very basic. None at all if you ask my classmates.

I have my new friends in school telling me I look too wild/cool/ ____ (insert whatever applicable). And that's from sporting tongue/navel studs and tattoos. Good griefs, there are sooo many human beings out there who have them too.

Dressing is simple stuff. No branded expensive shit that shouts out loud "Hey I am a slut, look over!" It's the typical halter, tubes, spaghetti tops and mostly sportswear. How bad can that get when it is not as if I reveal my boobs or ass crack?

Just take a look at what I wore out today. In the first place, I won't even have worn the tube out if not for the fact that I had wanted to go get my tattoo done with Tim-san. Unfortunately, the klutz me left school happily, only to realise while on the train that I have left my passport on my bed.

Usually, what I would wear out (on freaking lazy days) would be my running vest and shorts, to class (my guy friends from marketing say I am an embarrassment to wear such, being the worst dressed girl in marketing) and to clubs even, like Happy and Why Not.

GRRR. And for the last time, I AM STILL A VIRGIN! You Chao Pot Pots who think I am not. I am proud to declare I am one still. I mean, having a boyfriend for 3.5 years (ex boyfriend) doesn't warrant that I have to sleep with him. We never went past the kissing stage. I have never even seen him in underwear before can!!! And I was a staunch christian back then (and so was the ex) and both of us didn't believe in sex before marriage.

So to Sentosa Sakae Sushi Assistant Manager and everyone else, I virgin hor. KNN. Sorry I can't let you test the goods cos once tested, I virgin no more. I look not guai but I sibei guai one. And for one, being liberal to talk about sex does not equate to being liberal about the usage of my body.

The next person who says I look slutty and non-virginal will get it from me - a kick in the crotch.


I have realised that my problem is being too rugged, too alpha and too independent. Guys are not attracted to my sort.

So I must be whiney eh? Can. Tao Yan!!! -twirls hair-


I think I shall go take a loan and go for plastic surgery.

Or any kind sponsors?

Bin, please be my guarantor and let me take a loan from UOB!!! I promise I will not default payment. And since I will come out from the makeover looking fucking gorgeous, I will be talent scouted to do modelling and I will have a steady source of income from the demand for my beautiful face!

Yes, and I will no longer be average looking, as you said I was.


Tired tired. Hallucinating. You know what they say about an idle mind being a devil's workshop? I won't mind that really.


Currently addicted to Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends". On my replay single for ITunes, Ipod and flash player.

I love punk rock.


HIt the books or sleep? The latter. Nights.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Updated: King of fools

Met up briefly with Sandra, Crystal came down with her group of friends. How sweet.

A fight broke out. Bouncers gigantic came rushing in, FBI even, shortly after.

Fucking nitwit trodded his fat foot on my ankle. Wince. It hasn't fully covered and now it hurts more than ever.

Batman the floor captain. Tsk. Charming and wily. Teasingly told another server I am her girlfriend and hugged me. Then in the last hour, touched my waist aplenty. Is she naturally this way or a tad too touchy? But she's nice. I like her.

I really miss the dynamics of Coastes, wishing I was back with them instead of being at O Bar, where conversation is much easier, as do the people less superficial.

Have I mentioned that some fools at Dbl O could not even answer a simple question this bimbotic (wait she's not even pretty) girl asked...

"What's the young of a cow?"

You boh dohs! Calf lah! And the young of a lion? A cub lah! Stupiad!

And no, I didn't say this outloud.

I should have, and enlightened them.

Edit: I shared a glass of beer with JO-N on the dance floor. Was so funny the way we gulped it down so fast, amidst the clubbers. Another free beer for the day.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hot hot hot!!

That, was with reference to the cup noodles mee goreng I had and a self concocted ultra spicy soup!

I got back to Hall half an hour ago, shortly after the canteen has closed and thought I'll make do with whatever food I could lay my hands on.

Now, preparing to get my ass outta school and down to O Bar for another night of work.

Yay, seeing Sandra later!


While I was at Sunset Bay doing my work, got to know the staff there better and was introduced to this old regular Crystal, who's a finalist at the Miss Singapore Universe 2005!

Wah Lau she's very attractive lei! Hehe! Couldn't quite take my eyes off her.

Even secretly snapped a shot of her!


Ciao. Will post up photos and write about the hilarious night at Walas when I'm back.

Beer Chug

One and a half pint of hoegaarden last night at Walas with Bin, GJPS
and the blogger group.

And a bottle of hoegaarden again FOC courtesy of Jas from Sunset Bay
at 2 in the afternoon.

Here's to sexy beer bellies.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I scorn myself

I constantly wonder what is wrong with me, or has gone so wrong for me.
I see people aplenty, having a great life.

Secretly, I despise myself for having been born.

Educationally, I stink.
Socially, I suck.
Spiritually, I'm lost.
Physically, I am worse than the hunchback of notredam.

I hate to say that I am shallow and superficial like the rest of the world, but after reading Marycherry's sister's blog, I have to admit I am. I echo S' thoughts about never being good enough.

It's not even about being mediocre, It's just about how the bad karma is returning with carbs laden tummy, the volcano spirit on a tour around my face and how inadequate I feel with respect to the world.

I'm cracking up.


How do one tell the roommate about the constant litter of hair around me? I hate having to have to clear up her fucking shit loads of hair especially when her fan blows them all over to my side of the room.

I just spent an hour doing so.

It is not great especially when I am not inclined to speak to her and borrowing the brother's vacuum cleaner every other day may be overly troublesome.

I need to restore whatever remaining sanity I have with some alcohol.


I want to lose 2 inches off my waist, hips and ass and shed 2 kg to return to my ideal waistline of 23 inches and weight of 45 kg without losing my 34C? or 34B? boobs.



Marycherry, I want to meet up with you so badly.

From the Hermit's View

As of now, I have been a hermit, truly (with the exception of my roommate), almost speaking to nobody in the past 30 hours, other than the canteen uncle whom I bought my dinner from.

Oh my gosh, how I crave company.


I think GJPS is still angry with me for accidentally calling Sheryo my boo. What I had intended to write was 'Boo!' instead of "My Boo!".


Argh. The last remaining thread of sanity is being buried under the avalanche of the silence and my books.

I hear voices.


One won't believe when I speak of how I have never attended a single prom night in my 21 years of living.

Not my cup of tea. I'll bail out.

Of course, I do end up missing out on the fun, the memories and the cohesiveness that brings the clique closer together, but oh well.

Imagine the amount of hassle to prepare for it, getting a dress then the heels, next the accessories, the hair, the make up, everything. And not forgetting the amount of money I can potentially blow on getting them all.

I am not big on going around taking photographs. What I may end up doing is being the photographer instead. Or either that, sneaking plenty of smoke breaks in between.

Cedar's informal grad night, Sajc's prom night, Hall's dinner and dance.

And the worst of all, I'm one big embarrassment. As such, it's better not to be seen.


The Famous Grouse (i shall stop calling him Famous Gross since he has been pretty nice to me despite my meanness behind his back) has given me a pair of complimentary passes to the movie Into The Blue featuring Jessica Alba.

I don't have anybody to go the movies with anyway and I doubt my sister will want to watch the show. Marycherry, you want to watch this show with Dr B or The Blonde? If not I'll just pass them on to Bittercoffee and my prospective da sao to watch. Or to anybody who wants them.

They are valid from 13 October till film run ends. :)


The small little 'balcony' outside the toilet on my floor has become my next favourite spot. A place for me to spy on the groups of people congregating in the comms hall or otherwise known as the hall 5 canteen. A place for me to do my little grassing on those cancer sticks.


Found out yesterday, that the Hall Queen for hall 1 is my very own secondary school/LTC mate, Joyful.

Uhm. Dee dum.

And one of the Hall 1 Hall Queen finalist's the second runner-up for Miss Singapore World. Freak!

Uhm, Dee dum.



Monday, October 10, 2005

How I adore them

Tired of doing the frustrating dumb marketing project, which all my mates have completed their share, leaving me to be the last soul left trying to complete my part.

I logged onto Friendster and viewed Dell's profile.

Seeing all her narcissistic photos just remind of how much I miss this crazy fun loving girl who has all but grown up into the 16 year old she is.

From how she was when I first got to know her 2 years ago (when I was still her tuition teacher) and now, that young lady all into christ and on fire for God.

I can't say the same about myself, seeing how far I have deviated. But, well, it's nice to see that I have a girl of passion all bubbling in her.

And I am sure she won't mind me plugging her site in my blog and doing some shameless whoring of her photos. She's gorgeous anyway!

I stole this off her Friendster. Hiaks. I love this cos these two people are one of the constant loves in my life.

Thats Dell, my fun-loving beach girl and Zhen, my skimmer bro who happens to be one of the few good men left.



Most of the Miss Singapore World Finalists are so fugly that even my ass seems a much more viable point of showcase at the competition!

Not all, there are a few exceptions.

But one thing I do notice is that the contestants look pretty alright from the thumbnails but when you click on them, which bring you to enlarged photos of themselves, one can observe, either their double chins, flabby arms, jelly belly, thunderous thighs, and boy do they look HORRENDOUS!!! Some with eyes so small that I am squinting to find them!

This is just so bad. Why is each batch of contestants getting from bad to worse?

A common point in all, either the make-up artist suck or the photographer whom fail to take much more flattering photos of them or in which both cases apply, both make-up artist and photographer just SUCK big time!

Anyhow, a friend's loyalty calls for my support towards her, and that is Finalist Lin Pei Rong, who's a church friend of mine.

Cool eh?

Well, rock on babe. Use the brains (not the boobs/body though since you don't really have either) and your leggy long legs to help you score!

Oh and that smile and genuinity of yours!

The world doesn't stop spinning cos of you..

I know I haven't updated as regularly as I usually do but I have been really busy.

Just got back from supper with Tim-san at Jurong East.

Had left Sentosa with him wanting to go straight back to Hall since we are both taking the west bound train, but at his request to chit chat, I accompanied him for a quick supper.

Sometimes, I do wonder if it's a boon or bane for friends to trust you enough to tell you so much about their personal lives. I've heard quite a bit from Tim-san, regarding the crap at work (what's new ya?), his family woes, and his recent decision to ship out.

What kind of approach should I adopt towards hearing him out? Neutral, sympathetic?

I haven't been exactly feeling great myself, what more to positively encourage him? Rather than say the wrong stuff, I just left him to pour out all his grievances (which I don't think he share with the people at work) and blab on whilst I sat beside, listening him spill his unhappiness, his doubts, his frustrations.


I went down to Sentosa to sun tan with Bin while doing my best to complete the exasperating marketing plan.

I think I got just a shade darker but it was a good thing I was with Bin cos he's a business student majoring in marketing and it was thanks to him, I was able to able to figure out the cumbersome shit I have to crap about.


Dropped by Coastes and collected my pay cheque while Bin went off to work, meanwhile, informing Sambuca Lover of my decision to return to work after my exams.

Spoke a little to CT and proceeded to continue my project at Sakae Sushi, where I was generously treated to ice water and ice cream by the assistant manager Humsup Ed.


Sigh I have been an evil bad sister to my sister. I failed to celebrate her 19th birthday with her and she's very very unhappy about it. I need to find a way to appease her.


Lord I thank you for the friends you blessed me with. Thank you for letting me have the courage to ask Mat to pray for me on Friday. Thank you.


GJPS spent the night over at my Hall on Thursday and before I dozed off to sleep, the memories of Martell ran through me...

How we met, how we slept beside each other an entire morning just cuddling up, how we talked, how he was such a gentleman...

Though nothing ever came out of it, such sweet reminiscences tugs at my heart, in comparison to the regretful remembrances of MV.

Oh well, life goes on.

And so must I.

Post note: I can't believe I spent 2 hours talking to my kindergarten/pri/uni friend Ber at hall common area! And it was mainly crap!!!

Editor's note: A part has been deleted as requested.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

An uneasy death

Just two links to two entries that left me more thoughtful.

Sandra's recent post.

And FF's one.


I still couldn't understand what wrong I have done to warrant that sort of treatment from him.

I have not demanded things of you, not in the past, not now ever.

Yet all I ask is that is it that difficult to simply be friends?

Your call.

If you want it this way, so be it.

A tinge of sadness I will feel for the death of another friendship.

Trust me, I can move on with or without you in my life.

Meanwhile, mind if I have my year books back? They are the few rare memories that remind me of my great time there. So please, if you can, I will like them back. You know, you can always get them from the other fellow Cedarian friend you have.

I am not that mean a bitch even if you think me to be. I really don't hate people. My friends can testify to that.


On hindsight, I have finally decided for myself to return to work at Coastes on that Sunday night I attained my nirvana, (I told GJPS on Sunday when I was at Happy with her and Bin just last night) though I have yet to inform Sambuca Lover to confirm it. But after all that that have been read, heard and said, just went on to show that:

1) quitting in wanting to avoid him is a very silly notion especially since god's love has proven to be wiser!

2) my friends - well at least Bin and CT - do miss my nonsense and it is simply foolish to give up my friendships there for a man who's nonetheless not worth my time.

3) my baby GJPS is always on my side and together we stand!!! Unity and er... Girl Power!

But exams are coming, I need more time to study... I'm gonna put off work for now!

Wish me all the best in not regretting my decision. And for god's hand to keep the evil forces of the upper echelons of Coastes at bay.


Marycherry, I hope you are still doing fine. Hold on there dear. I'm a call away! (Hopefully the phone is not going be dead on me again when you call! I'll get it fixed soon!))


I have finished 20 packs of Mamee over 3 days and more disapproving grunts from my friends. A hall mate offered me her Digestive biscuits, my secondary school friend whinged at how I will shed my hair, my other half Marycherry muttered "ewwwwwwww".

You won't even want to take a look at the empty packets in my dustbin.

So with my hoard of food supply down to zero (can't expect me to steal my roomie's mamee instead), the hungry me, went down to the canteen to get food. Alas, the hall canteen was closed and a long walk to a neighbouring hall canteen.

Back in my room, look at what I've got!

The amount I am eating looks as though it was to compensate the past 3 days of under-eating, which to be honest, is not really the case. I am a pig. I finished all of that, with some morsels of rice left. And that was at around 8ish.

By 1am, I was hungry again! The only thing I am left with is Campbell Mushroom soup and Maggi Curry Mee. I settled for the soup which I feel, is less fattening than the latter.

Now 2 hours have passed and I am hungry again!!!

No more food!


My entire body is aching from that session of hockey training. My ass, my thighs, my quads, my back and yes my ankle.

My ankle is taking an extreme long time to recover. The swell hasn't even gone down. And it hurts each time I over exert them, either running too hard or landing too harshly in a bid to stop the balls.

And I don't even fancy hockey a bit.

I used to play some floor ball back in JC and with my church mates in secondary school. And I've always enjoyed the sport and played it pretty well.

But this one, yikes, hockey, yipes.

Too many rules.

Sigh, another stupid hall activity I joined to obtain enough points and to please the brother who says I am not enthusiastic in participating.

What else have I got, volleyball? Geez, give me netball, captainball anytime. I'm bad at volley.

A shit load of stupid activities I joined for points sake. Ah spare me will you?

Nor even an area of interest.



Exams in less than a month. So screwed. Worried and panicky.

VERY worried.


Last Saturday at Sentosa with Zhen.

The brother's excellent. Brought snacks and drinks for me cos I am a pig! It's like a mini picnic just enjoying his company, the sun and the snacks!

A jumbo-sized Pringles which we shared about half and 4 packets of Panda biscuits which I ate 2 packets there and brought back to hall the remaining!

Absolutely lovely time.


My 7610 died on me!!! AGAIN!!! This time I can't revive it! Nooo........

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Another boring Tuesday

Food for the day:

Lunch - 3 packets of mamee (before lab at around 12)
- 1 stick
Pre-dinner - 2 char siew pau (sneaked out during marketing tutorial at around 5)
Dinner - 1 curry puff (from Old Chang Kee at Jurong Point)
- 3 pieces of sushi (from Fiesta at Jurong Point)

Went for inter-hall hockey training and my still recovering ankle was hurting like a bitch.

Came back early only to find out havoc meeting postponed to 9pm. I could have stayed on longer for hockey training. Fools didn't even spread the word.

A baby cockroach flew into my room, encroached itself behind the closet. I freaked out wanting to borrow pesticide from my brother, but he wasn't around and by the time I got back to my room, the cockroach was nowhere to be found. And... out of a sudden it flew out from my roomie's side of the room towards me!


I'm quite certain my neighbours heard me screaming with such zest!

Thank God, that pest just flew out of the window!

And it's 9 minutes past 9, time to head down for my meeting. Sigh. :(

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Dead but resurrected

I am sooo excited!

My stupid phone died on me in the afternoon and by the time I got
back to Hall I discovered much missed messages and one of which from

He's single again!

Now, what did I say about God providing for me whenever I need Him.

Hallelujah! I can sing praises all day and night!!!


p/s: I am gonna play hard to get this time! Haha!

Agape Love

Long article ahead.
Agape - No Strings Attached
By Lia Fuller O'Neil

Love. It's such a simple word. And such a complex emotion. Even when we desire to love in a simple, uncomplicated way, love has a way of twisting itself back on us, catching us unawares. It's not easy to keep the different kinds of love, the different kinds of relationships, in their proper contexts. Even when we desire with our whole hearts to pursue love it is often very difficult to keep from falling in love.

Love does not like to sit still while we neatly pigeonhole it. There are an infinite number of ways we can love people, art, nature, and God. The lines may be fairly easy to see in some kinds of love, but the lines differentiating the love for a friend and the love for a lover are extraordinarily complex. The goal or result of love is not always marriage. God, judging from the way he set things up in Eden, and the way he made us physically, no doubt intends most of us to be married, but that's not to say that loving friendships between men and women aren't also good and right.

Sometimes our feelings fall totally on one side of the line or the other, but more often I've found the differences to be quantitative rather than qualitative. In other words, it's not the kind of love that differs so much as the degree. The deep but unromantic affection we can feel for a friend (which we may call phileo), can very easily be transformed into a compelling, dramatic, romantic love (eros) with appallingly little rhyme or reason. There doesn't seem to be a way for us to tell our hearts to switch gears, or to stop our feelings at a certain point. Our affection for a friend and our romantic love for a lover both issue from the same spring.

When someone starts discovering our spirit and heart in the pursuit of love, spends time with us, gives of himself or herself; becomes involved in our life, we sometimes can't help falling in love in the process of growing to love, even when we are pursuing love with a pure heart.

That's all right if the other person is also falling in love. But what if he isn't? What if he's still operating within the context of phileo love? With all our good intentions about pursuing love, what are we to do when eros starts to eclipse phileo in our hearts?

If we understand where our friend's heart is at, we probably don't even want the intense feelings of eros to develop, knowing that it will just make things difficult. It often makes the continuation of the friendship virtually impossible, even though we really desire to be free from the pressures of those kind of feelings and to return to the easiness and the freedom of phileo. But what on earth are we to do with those emotions?

Can we suppress them and get back to the easy relationship we used to have? Do we just stop seeing our friend because it's too painful? Do we weep and rage and get bitter because he or she made us fall in love and had no intention of following through on it? Do we just hold it all inside and try to pretend it isn't there so we don't scare him away? What do we do?

First of all, if it is true that our love is based on a quantitative rather than a qualitative foundation, to hope that we can banish eros in favor of phileo is not very realistic. Once our care has grown beyond an affection to a deeper love, how are we suddenly going to empty out some of that feeling unless we lie to ourselves? (We can do that simply by trying to make ourselves believe that we don't really care that much, or by dwelling on his or her faults and
weaknesses in a way that's totally out of proportion. Needless to say, it's a very unhealthy, unloving way to solve the problem, but it's also quite common.) And the other alternative, to stop seeing each other, is certainly one way to avoid the problem, but not solve it, or grow from it, or learn whatever the Lord is trying to teach either of us through it.

A related problem enters the picture here because we're all so conditioned to the "love-and-marriage" syndrome. That is, that they're supposed to go together, especially in the Christian ethic where marriage is the only legitimate option beyond friendship. From there we have sometimes made the mistake of thinking that it is the only legitimate option for people who respect, care for, and love each other.

Instead of relaxing in the knowledge that it is perfectly possible for a man and a woman to have great respect for each other, to care deeply about each other and even to love each other without getting married, we get a mite over-anxious, perhaps, about the "Is this the one?" question. And that produces that "weirdness" which results from expectations, expectations of having the relationship lead somewhere, of being loved, of being fulfilled, of being cherished
and cared for in a special way. These expectations rob a relationship of spontaneity and unselfconsciousness; they make us terribly preoccupied with ourselves and an imagined, even planned for the future; they rob us of the freedom to enjoy each other with true agape love. And as soon as expectations start taking over our minds, the pursuit of love is doomed, because at that point we are no longer seeking the other person's total good, but seeking our own satisfaction. (I am talking here about expectations which arise out of one's own selfish desires-in spite of communication between the two and the tenor of their relationship. If one of them is leading the other on, however, or being less than honest and straightforward
about his or her feelings and intentions, that is another situation entirely.)

The key to the solution of this problem lies not in our fighting the fact that we love someone, not in trying to love less in order to get back to phileo but in trying to love more, to get beyond eros to agape, the kind of love the Lord has for us. The exciting and beautiful thing about agape love is finding out that you truly can love someone very deeply and yet allow him complete freedom to respond to you in whatever way God leads him to respond.

This type of relationship demands a kind of freedom that is impossible when we are bound by expectations. It requires a love that isn't concerned with the fulfillment of our own ends. This in turn requires trusting God to fulfill those needs. 

The goal or result of love is not always marriage. God, judging from the way he set things up in Eden, and the way he made us physically, no doubt intends most of us to be married, but that's not to say that loving friendships between men and women aren't also good and right. We don't love just one person during our lives; we love many, in varying degrees and in many ways. Love is not a rein sum game in which the more we love one the less we can love others. Rather, the more we learn how to love one the more we are able to love others.

We need to legitimize love between men and women who don't feel the Lord is leading them into marriage. (I am definitely not using love here to include sexual love.) We need to understand that it is all right to love a friend. Such friends often help to fill those deep needs for love and affection before we do find that one person we'd like to marry. And that's OK. That's what we're here for to help each other out, to love each other as Christ loves us.

But this type of relationship demands a kind of freedom that is impossible when we are bound by expectations. It requires a love that isn't concerned with the fulfillment of our own ends. This in turn requires trusting God to fulfill those needs.

What it comes down to, then, is, first of all, how much do we really love that person? Do we love to the point that we want him to be part of our life, that we need him in order to be fulfilled and happy? Or do we love him enough that we want him to be happy, even if it means without us? Do we love him so much that we think we'll die without him? Whose interests are we seeking to serve his or ours? How much do we really love him? Enough to pray that God would send him the right woman to be his mate, even if it might turn out to be someone else? Enough to put concern for his happiness above our concern to have our own needs fulfilled? Isn't that what Jesus would do?

And what kind of love is it, really? Is it the love that bubbles forth from a full vessel, a vessel overflowing with the love which pours through us from the Lord? Or is it a result of our own lack of spiritual fruit, so that we look to someone else to give us love, joy, and peace, rather than looking to God? If it's that kind of love we won't be able to truly pray for our friend's complete happiness we'll be too concerned for our own. That kind of love is born not only of a lack within ourselves but of a lack of trust in God.

So the next concern is, how much do we trust God? Do we really trust him to supply all our needs? Do we trust his love for us and his knowledge of what the absolute best is for us, as well as for the one we love?

To the degree that we trust God and allow him to direct our lives and our relationships, we can be free from the leech of expectations and free to let the Lord love that person through us. And the degree to which we yield ourselves as vessels, allowing him to fill us with
his life and his love, allowing him to transform us into his likeness to that degree, and that degree only, will we be able to love with true agape love.

And if we can trust him, if we can yield, we can then pray wholeheartedly for our friend's happiness, secure in the knowledge that God is going to fulfill all our needs (not necessarily all our wants), and we don't have to depend on a person to do it. We can say with our whole being, "I love you, and there are no strings. I just want to be around to support you in whatever way you and the Lord want me to. I want to pray for you, share your burdens and be
involved in your life because I love you, but I'm not expecting anything from you. I simply and truly want to see you happy and fulfilled." That is the pursuit of agape love. That is serving rather than being served, and loving rather than being loved.

This was an email I just received. God answers all my questions in a way I never do expect Him to. And the fascinating part is how I silently mutter in my heart asking for a way out and it was not even a subconscious prayer. 

Lord thank you for just knowing exactly what I need.

Amoris vulnus idem sanat, qui facit

And that my friends in translation means 'The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them.'

Basking in the luxuriant warmth of the evening sun, in deep reading of my economic notes and occasionally surfacing to gawk at the brilliant hue of the setting sun.

Almost perfect.

6.42pm and the sun's going down fast, hiding behind the billows of clouds. I could do this everyday.

6.46pm and but a tiny fraction of a sun peeking out.

Another 3 minutes has gone past, now the gigantic fireball splashing its warmth around has completely submerged beyond the horizon.

What a pity my camera phone has died on me and I couldn't take any photos of the beauty around me, though not like my phone could capture the very essence of such intrinsic spell-binding Mother Nature.

My shattered dreams and broken heart are mending on the shelf,
I saw him holding hands standing close to someone else.
Now I sit all alone,
Wishing all my feelings were gone..

Sitting In the silhouette of the trees on the deck outside Sakae Sushi, hearing Brian McKnight belt out the sorrowful tune of One Last Cry just makes me want to have a good cry myself to whitewash the contents of his last entry from my memory bank.

Banish those awful thoughts I have.

That is not what God has made me to be.

Love. I remind myself. I must love like God, his unselfish loving.

Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.... And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Let that mustard seed of faith grow. I need the answers from you. A time for a little honesty. A time for a little trust.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Mandrake I am moving over!!!

Sleep eludes me still, though I having been drinking for a great part of the day/night since noon.

Conversations between us have ceased to be warm fun exchanges of gossipy bits, of flirtation, of the joy of knowing each other better.

In place are pseudo conversations usually one-track, that are facades for quarrels (however I don't really bother to quarrel), and more often than not, virtual confrontations for those that fail to materialize in reality.

What has gone so wrong? How have things been reduced to such a state?

I need a hug so badly Zhen. I am so glad I'm meeting you soon. Soon.

Colleagues Past and Present From Coastes

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:25:28 AM)
how's ur dae?

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (3:26:22 AM)
my day's been very bad.

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:26:52 AM)
y leh

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (3:27:19 AM)
sigh shit lah. you know when you msged me abt going back to coastes.. i was crying big time

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:27:30 AM)
i damn tired... just finish working @ coastes...

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:27:40 AM)
really miss you ma...

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:29:33 AM)
we have lots of fun working together before things started to go haywire

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:31:17 AM)
it's tiring but think abt the gd times... it's worthwhile my effort

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:32:20 AM)
wat happen?

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (3:32:36 AM)
misunderstandings after misunderstandings

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:33:11 AM)
maybe u all shld cool things off 1st

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (3:34:17 AM)
its because i am, thats why i took a break off coastes

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (3:34:29 AM)
and whether its gonna extend into quitting coastes... i also dont know

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:35:03 AM)
it's ur call, girl... aniwae i shld u will make a wise decision

ReFrEsH & rEcHaRgED... tImE tO wOrK hArD aGaIn... says: (3:36:09 AM)
i'm sure u will be rational enough

Bin ahh, this is not making it easy for me. I am missing the peeps too... The bitching and the bio-ing girls together sessions...


my aching body is recovering well... says: (11:12:29 AM)
has the 168km run round singapore started?or ended liao?

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (11:12:49 AM)
havent start if i dont remember wrongly

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (11:13:15 AM)
bin's younger sister very chio.. miss nus.. you shld try to sian her

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (11:13:17 AM)
not bad

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (11:13:27 AM)
look a little like jamie yeo

my aching body is recovering well... says: (11:14:23 AM)

my aching body is recovering well... says: (11:14:53 AM)
bin would neva let me get close to her

my aching body is recovering well... says: (11:15:09 AM)
hey..i gtg...bye...fri nite precious..

miryclay - i love you so much that it hurts more than the cuts i put myself through says: (11:15:14 AM)
hahahhaha. okok. bye bye!

J ar J, come back quick from America will you? Life is boring here in NTU without your nonsensical shit.

This can't be true!

The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)

    Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

    You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Your exact opposite:
The Stiletto

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
    Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a girl you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

    Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic woman is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

BEWARE: Genghis Khunt

CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach, The Window Shopper

Link: The Dating Persona Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: miryclay

GJPS, I am to avoid you. I'll have to avoid Sheryo too. And Mag too. That's like my entire arty farty babe clique who was there comforting me when I was so down crying my guts out yesterday! What the fuck?!